Manx Bard: A boat in the morning

in Entertainment

Popular local figure and Manksman through and through, John ’Dog’ Callister was recently raised to the chair of the Manx Bard. Each month he shares one of his poems with us, and explains what led him to write it.

This is my final poem for this column, as next week a new Manx Bard may be chosen.

So, I will give you the poem which I think gets the most reaction when I perform it. It strikes a chord with so many people.

As I have said many times, it is not against any of the many different nationalities now making our wonderful Island their home.

It is hitting out at anyone, including the Manks themselves, who complain about what we have here on this fantastic place to live.

There is always that ’boat’ (and it is definitely a boat, not a ferry) in the morning if you are not happy with things here.

I regularly break off from the poem when I am reciting it to give an insight into where the thought for the final line comes from!

This helps the audience to understand what it is about.

There’s a Boat in the Morning

If yer think the roads are too bumpy,

an’ the horse trams are really a pain.

You don’t like the cowl in the winter,

an’ we’re getting far too much rain.

In the summer you can’t go out shoppin.

Yer blocked in because of the bikes.

Remember there’s a boat in the morning,

if things are not how you like!

The place is full of them foreigners,

they’re coming in droves everyday.

An’ that many cars on the roads now,

for parking you now have to pay.

There’s queues wherever you’re going,’

like going to look at the show.

Remember there’s a boat in the morning,’

an’ you’ll not be missed if you go!

The beer in the pubs isn’t suitin’.

House prices are way out of sight.

The cost of the fuel, well it’s killing,

an’ there’s nothing to do every night.

To eat out around here copsts a fortune,

class acts coming over are rare.

Remember there’s a boat in the morning,

an’ I’ll even give you the fare.

They call the packet boat ’the ferry’.

’Cross the Mersey is where ferries go.

The ’Ben’and the Mannanan come to Douglas,

an’ regular they ply to and fro.

Well maybe not quite so regular.

I know you may think this is jest!

Remember there’s a boat in the morning’

so turn up and hope for the best

Remember there’s a boat in the morning’

They leave Douglas Pier every day.

Just turn up and queue for a ticket

and steam out across Douglas Bay.

The boats go to England and Ireland.

Just four hours or less and you’re there.

No need to complain or to worry,

the most you’ll need is your fare!

By John ’Dog’ Callister


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David Creane · 7 days ago · Report

A true Bard. You get nowhere by grumbling. What a way with words John 'Dog' has.

Spaniard · 9 days ago · Report

Well i'm glad he's retiring-I've found it quite hard to watch in the morning as he circles my yard---carefully sniffing and checking each tree-telling the wife-----"Don't look--- Dogs having a *ee"!------I tried to explain-suddenly without warning, the damn dog replied--"There's a boat in the morning"!!!

Manxman in Oz · 9 days ago · Report

"Bewdy, good one. Lots of memories. Thanks

Manx born (formerl CV) · 9 days ago · Report

ET. you could be the new Bard !!

ET · 9 days ago · Report

The Bard stood on the burning deck; And stoked the fires of passion; His love of early morning boats; Showed intelligence on ration; If all the men and women too; That questioned what he thinks; Were loaded on the Ben my Chree; The bloody thing would sink.

Manx born (formerl CV) · 9 days ago · Report

Did your mum or your dad write that for you D.M.? I don't need a boat in the morning' I love it here, warts and all.

D.M. · 9 days ago · Report

Why? Because it describes you?

Manx born (formerl CV) · 9 days ago · Report

No problem my end Phil. It is your browser settings? And I agree with you. The poem is awful

Phil · 9 days ago · Report

This is just awful. And having adverts plastered all over the place on here iomtoday? There's one covering the vast majority of this comments section. Sorry for any spelling mistakes as it's covering my text up.

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